The Stanhope Arms, Brasted

A response from Basil Fawlty..
Oh dear, this lady is clearly not happy with life or her inner self.
Clearly in the humour department there is room for improvement, passing a comment that the lady should be served first was just that, humour but true. As for a ticking off the landlady is only 5'2"...this lady customer is somewhat 'large' in staue and would not be intimidated as her partner would not have been who is 6'4" and as he informed the landlady is a martial arts expert..kick boxing was mentioned.
Well our menu consists of over 30 dishes ranging from homw made soup, a choice of 10 pate, tempura prawns, mussels, spring rolls, smoked salmom, fish cakes, crayfish and a lot more, 12 mains including poached salmon, gammon, green lipped mussels, game sausages with cheesy mash, beef stroganoff, lasagna, cottage pie, choice of 4 curries, cassoulet, the offending scampi and steaks, lamb shanks, fish and chips and morw...if these customers 'sruggled' to find anything they fancied then quite clearly they took the wrong turn from Biggin Hill and ended up in the Stanhope Arms instead of Mcdonalds! Back to the landlady again, very clever to be popping in and out of various doors, the illusion was at least amusing and fooled them, there is only one door leading from our dining room, very clever landlady. Perhaps the landlady is a martial arts expert as well, 'railroading' this coupleof large proportions into having ciabatta with balsamic dip...we give this out as a complementary appetiser...you don't have to eat eat. Normally the crayfish cocktail comes with a large piece of homemade ciabbata with olives and sun dried tomatoes, really yummy as all our discerning customers comment...the lady did however receive her bread, white as requested instead of granary, but as for cheap margarine, we only buy Kerrygold butter...our cold room is open to inspection at any time, we do not use margarine and normally not white bread!
As for the steak,the chef cooks his cuts as he see's fit...in this case as obviously these 'culinary experts' have overlooked a rib eye steak is marbled for flavour and to ensure that this marbling is cooked through steaks are cooked to medium...if anything under the fat marbling will not be cooked through and the steak may appear tough...lets move on to the scampi, the homemade tartar sauce...by the way no e on the end, something else to note, did not 'cover' the scampi, it is placed on a couple of pieces on the edge of the plate and if you dont like something just mention it when ordering...no tartar sauce please, quite easy! Now we come to the tomato sauce, we do not buy the cheapest, customers have commented how nice it is but they do not take it with scampi, they take tartar sauce by choice. Ah, this clever landlay...another illusion, vanished into thin air as if by magic so did their drinks, ran dry but at least they had been topped up once so you could not have been totally ignored by the 'illusionist landlady'...next the chairs...not one single customer in eight months has complained about the dining room chairs ( as they have not about our food), all of which are upholstered...the table the customer then moved to just happened to have the largest open sided chairs in the dining room...with out doubt more obliging for the task in hand! Even the fire is not immune from this ladies attention...filling the room with smoke...it has never happened and will never happen, if it did then we must call back the alarm engineer who had very recently serviced the system...it certainly worked when he tested it, in fact it is so sensative to smoke it is surprising no one heard the siren! We can only appologise if the empty plates were not wisped away as if by magic and if the barmaid 'hurled' a chalkboard at you she must have been testing hubbies quick reaction marshal arts defence. 'About' two desserts on the blackboard...not really sure...there are in fact five, perhaps it was just a blur as the chalkboard flew past you...
Now the Stanhope Spiders, clever little things to think about making their web on the ceiling if they did, our loos are cleaned and vacuumed every day but these clever spiders wait until the morning routine has been completed...they must have been terried finding themselves in close proximity with this lady in small cubical as we have not seen them since.
Back to the landlady illusionist who 'had had a bit to drink'...another clever illusion, Sybil is in fact tea total or she was until this lady came into the pub...waved a piece of paper in front of you, perhaps it was that magic wand again. Back to the tomato sauce...vile and ruined her dinner...did she smother her food with it just like it was smothered with tartar sauce...food for thought indeed!
Back to the humour, dont mention the war, sorry the vile tomato ketchup...yes we do have a comments book here at Fawlty Towers...customers can write in it what they wish, good or bad, so far no adverse comments only glowing praise but this lady did have the opportunity to pass comment over her ordeal at the hands of Basil, Sybil and Manuel but chose not to...and what about this awful meal, they cleaned their plates and said absolutely nothing at the time.
Sybil very invasive and controlling...then think yourself lucky you are not Basil...and by the way we would not welcome you back...suggest you stick to those 'big Macs' in future.
Oh by the way, Basil thinks he has met your type before...are you a failed landlady by any chance.

Basil, Sybil and Manuel.

4 Jul 2013 17:02

The Bottle Inn, Marshwood

Good news...The Bottle Inn will be re opening in about 3 weeks. The world famous stinging nettle eating competition will now be going ahead on August 4th, not in July as previously advertised. Hooray for this classic country pub, when i popped in this week to see what was happening with the nettles competition i got a quick tour inside...wow, fantastic & what fab menue idea's. Really look forward to having this pub back as my local. Good luck Bottle, you deserve to be well supported.

4 Jul 2012 18:25