The Hare and Hounds Hotel, Timperley

First and foremost, since its latest rehashing as a Taverners Carvery the Hare & Hounds isn't a pub anymore. Howvever, contrary to all the self-delusion and arrogant posturing of its management it isn't a restaurant either. In truth it's a glorified soup kitchen primarily offering Sunday roasts to the starving masses lured from far afield sink estates by cheap food which is mind-numbingly predictable in choice. There are just three roast joints on offer and they are exactly the same three every single day of the year.

This is definitely the place to be if you have a real passion for standing in line in overcrowded self-service cafeterias. Once you've waited to be served with a meal-ticket at the excuse for a bar you can head for the carvery area and get into the really serious queuing. Eventually you get your meagre ration of roast handed to you by someone dressed up as a chef. From thereon in you can stack your plate to the ceiling with everything else. And when that's all done you finally get to sit down amongst other like-minded folk troughing down food as if there was a cash prize for finishing and leaving in the shortest possible time. Meanwhile the local old-age pensioners look on in total bewilderment.

You could still enjoy a drink in the spacious beer garden in the summer though but be sure to go on a cloudy day or take a big hat with you because all the sun umbrellas have been removed from the tables to actively discourage you from doing any such thing.

As for "Beer In The Evening" you can forget it. Well before the food stops at 9PM the place is deserted and smells exactly as you would expect it to. In the unlikely event that the doors haven't already been locked to keep you out you will probably be cajoled into leaving well before 11PM just so the staff can finish cleaning up and scarper off home as early as possible.

Marstons couldn't have screwed up the Hare & Hounds more if they'd tried.

It has become a veritable "let 'em in, get 'em fed and get 'em out again" hell hole of a place with a unique couldn't care less attitude to customers thrown in for good measure.

Absolutely dire.

17 Jan 2008 08:01