The Bull Inn, Linton

Full of fuckin assholes. I visited this pub from the states and the food portions are very small (there wasn't even a separate plate for the fries) and there was some interesting green leaves in my cheeseburger. This pub boasts the best views in Kent but all I could see was countryside. No pyramids or copies of famous landmarks to be seen. There wasn't even a pirate ship! I'm not even f*cking with you!
Needless to say I had to get the hell outta there so while Hank was settling the bill I walked over to a nearby wooden post to rest my gut. It was then that I exchanged glances with a lonesome young female at a nearby table. Nothing felt unusual at first but then I realized she was drinking what you guys call beer so I figured immediately that she was a queer. I don't really mind the dykes it just took me by surprise. I looked the other way as not to antagonize her, but she was already licking her fingers and pointing at me.
Shortly afterwards not one but two Mary Machos emerged from a nearby bush. Both were wearing tank tops and where naked from the waist down. It must have been a convention. They sat with the lonesome lesbo and ordered garlic bread (unsliced) and cucumber. Obviously too eager to wait for her food, the veteran dyke allegedly decided to sexually assault her much younger other half with a pepper mill. Absolutely disgusted I decided to shield my eyes and waddled inside to find Hank. He had been caught up chatting shit about agricultural machinery with two South Africans. Next week I will be back to take everyone's names because I think I'm going to consult my attorney about this.

26 Jul 2012 15:13