Ye Olde Monken Holt, Barnet

Henry, I congratulate you. You're the first person to bar me from anywhere. Well, apart from the Wimpy in Hemel Hempstead in 1992. I've been going into the Monk for 17 years, playing, singing and drinking and never have I had the slightest problem with anyone. You forgo my custom on the say-so of one barmaid who smoked my cigarettes, let me buy her drinks and then said she was upset. If she didn't understand a quote from Shirley Valentine then I'd suggest it's her problem not mine,

22 Mar 2014 22:08

The Royal Standard of England, Beaconsfield

The Royal Standard of England is largely the thing that pub-goers' dreams are made of. I say 'largely' because of a couple of downers, which I'll get out of the way first because they're not the pub's fault. Apart from a couple of eccentric-in-a-nice-way regulars (you doubtless know who you are), the pub was populated on a Sunday lunchtime by the kind of people who simply don't go to pubs: they don't know how pubs work, which is mildly irritating for the people that do. In an English pub, you go to the bar and order a drink. If they're doing food, you have a look at the menu and order what you want at the bar. You don't sit around at a table waiting to be served -- even if you are American.

It was very busy and we had to wait 20 minutes for a table but we deployed our usual table-snaring tactics successfully. That's enough moaning.

Reputedly and very believably, haunted, the pub features dark wood panels and furniture (dark everything, in fact), candles in the 'Candle Room' (they don't normally light them until 7pm, we heard, but as it was so dark, they broke the rule, bless 'em), open log fires, interesting ornaments and a collection of four antique gunpowder horns (for firing muskets) and a multinational cast of very charming and understanding bar staff. Despite being so busy with non-pub-goers, showing them what to do and how to order, the staff were almost infeasibly nice -- rare in itself.

Three pints of very good Marston's Pedigree allowed me to take advantage of my wife's new-found enthusiasm for driving. She had half an IPA. And for non-liquid sustenance we took a dish of olives, some excellent Serrano ham and half a dozen Irish oysters. Olives and ham were two quid each, oysters were �7 for six, coming with a salad garnish that frankly had seen better days but some rather wonderful shallot and vineger dressing. Having pushed the shallots onto the oysters, I drank the vinegar out of the little pot while no one was looking -- including my wife (it was that sweet).

Really, the most interesting thing about the rest of the menu is what's printed on the back, giving an overview of the pub's and its site's long history - it's nigh-on a thousand years old and claims to be the UK's oldest freehouse. The 'bill of fayre for Sundays,' as the menu had it, would serve you roast beef (hung for a minimum of 28 days and naturally marbled with fat, we're told), Welsh lamb, venison stake and eight or ten other dishes including mushroom risotto. You can also opt for 'just the veg' if you are so inclined - the roast lunch without the, erm, meat - for about �6. The full roasts were about eleven quid and judging by the fully stocked plates coming out of the kitchen, the higher-than-average price was only just worth it.

If I were writing for the Michelin guide, I'd give this pub a star (making it worth stopping) for its atmosphere and history, plus its staff and their excellent service and attitude. As I'm writing for this website (for nothing) I'll give the pub a 7, for the same reasons. If you're in the Beaconsfield area and you haven't been here before, check it out. But if you go half-way through the Sunday lunchtime rush, be prepared to wait for a table.

I took a couple of pictures as best the light allowed but I don't know if it's possible to post them with a review. (Admin: is it?)

Look out for more of my reviews on this site.

24 Oct 2006 11:22