The Mayfly, Chilbolton

The Mayfly pub;

What can I say? Once a beautiful pub, in an even more beautiful location. Strutting its stuff on the river test, this pub used to make the British summer evening more delightful than a day trip to Heffner's pad for a spotty 16 year old. You may notice an element of past tense in the previous few lines. Let me tell you this, even though I have never been, to Heffner's place, it undoubtedly wins hands, feet, shoulders, nose and lips down these days (did I forget knees?). Now, this of course is no great insult - what is, is the fact that so does the McDonalds in Putney. So, what does the pub offer? ...

Easier to go into the problems. Firstly, the Land lord/lady is Lazy, conceited and incompetent. Secondly, the pub is now full of the sort of people that make a football crowd seem civilized and this probably leads onto all of the further points, which are almost too absurd to contemplate.

The buffet bar! (Which is also the place you have to queue for the main menu): Staff - not bad, nice, kind but ruled by a capitalist monster. Around the menu, scrawled in chalk type graffiti are words stating that all customers must spend �3.50 or maybe even �3.95. This is no great revelation as this is the price of cheapest meal (apart from if you help yourself to just salad - I will get to this point very shortly), but it sets a tone. Once you get to the buffet bar (usually 10 minutes minimum), more pornographic graffiti meets the eye 'Salad is charged at 90 pence per spoon, heaped spoons will be charged extra'!!! This could be understandable if it wasn't for the fact that the spoons were practically flat - because of a fear of random costing I opted for no potato in my potato salad, a shame I thought, as it is a side order I am particularly partial too - oh well, I guess the mayo would be nice with my smoked haddock (potato) cakes.

After this trauma (one that I appreciate is no huge one compared to some that people across the world have to deal with), I took out my card to pay for my �10.75 meal. 'WHAT!' A 25p fine if I spend less than �20 on my plastic?! If only I had brought some cash I may have got some potato for the same price!

All in all, a terrible experience - a pub run by people who have no place in such a wonderful spot. Go there at your own peril - if you do go for the view I suggest taking a laptop in order to calculate the excess charges, a sad reflection of modern times - who knows, maybe next year this place will be replaced by a riverside McDonalds - Bring it on!

4 Sep 2005 00:47