The Cat's Back, Wandsworth

there once was a fellow named Roger
he ran his pub like an old drunken bodger
if you fancy a glass
then he'll sell you a pass
he's so skint that he'll soon need a lodger!

he's been to prison for smuggling dope
and he's still partial to a regular toke
it's affected his brain
his profits went down the drain
so he's broke as a bum, what a joke!

and the power it went to his head
and he was always in need of some bread
to his staff's wages he'd dash
and make off with the cash
before his manager could get there instead

hustling money was really his forte
and Roger he didn't mind being naughty
to his creditors he'd lie
tell them pie in the sky
by the bailiffs he almost got caught-y

Roger wanted the old building next door
but he didn't care much for the law
so the builders went in
though he knew it a sin
and the workmen began drilling the floor

who owned the old building, who cares
Roger's slapdash with his legal affairs
so he asked one of his fools
to watch out for town hall
so come night time his music could blare!

after slipping his lookout a score
work began on the building next door
they used soundproofing gear
the cat's owner did fear
having his own collar felt by the law

but his plans they did not come to pass
yet another funny cat's back farce
because he's mired in debt
and not out of the woods yet
but some fools are still kissing his arse!

he placed a sign in the window instead
and it's true we all laughed when we read:
i've almost gone bust
but i'll sell you a trust
please donate, my account's in the red!

this tale of greed will give you a grin
and you may feel like wandering in
so just remember to have a good think
before you stop by the Cat's for a drink
and tell Roger bollocks if he rattles his tin!

13 Jul 2009 00:02