Yates's, Aldershot

It's a Yates, you know what to expect I hear you say!? I pretty much expected a skanky weatherspoons like type bar but nothing, and i do mean NOTHING could prepare me for the vision that was bestowed upon me just recently!

It probably wasn't so much the venue but more the clientele that manifested inside! What the **** happened in Aldershot... I have never seen so many rejects in all my life! I'm no L.A. wannabe, but i could have been Paris Hilton in there! In fact **** it! I could have been the Queen in comparison!

Every single sole in the place was on the verge of being clinically obese and looking like they'd done a stint in a young offenders or army prison! It was like a pub that belonged in Benidorm, frequented by the same lost people that lived for the same experience weekend after weekend. People that refuse to accept change and are happy living each weekend as if it were groundhog day! I was truley scared to be left on my own! Oversized girls who were bulging out of every button, zip and popper, winding and grinding up against some ex army divorcee with tattoos on his neck and down his back, generally being so vulgar i could have thrown up in my own cup and drank it and no1 would have batted an eyelid! The bouncer couldn't pack enough sterroids into his daily routine - he virtually had to walk side ways to get through doors and looked like his arms were permanently stuck in the same 90 degree angle!

I can't even begin to tell you about VOX...the only club across the road, but you can obviously imagine! The only 2 times i put my drink down, it was nearly mine sweeped by some fat fingers belonging to some lardy girl wearing white, patent stillettos and some naff, bright pink, low cut top with a pair of spaniels ears bulging out over the top, wanting to follow the force of gravity against all their owners defiance! I have no idea what i was doing there, and i'm still investigating whether i may have been abducted - all i know is that i am scarred. Chavtastic does not even remotely describe it!

I'm a wreck! NEVER AGAIN!!! I'd rather stick pins in my eyes and holiday in Margate!

14 Apr 2009 12:57