Artesian Well, Wandsworthback to pub details please note - reviews on this site are purely the opinion of site visitors, so don't take them too seriously.
Now closed.
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Artesian Well is probably the most unique bar/club in London...It's quite simply the best.I would definitely recommend it!
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Top Bar/Club really unique/amazing. Inside its like a fantasy world with lots of different sculptures inside. I was told that its owned and designed by a very famous sculptor Rudy Weller which designed Helios Horses in Piccadilly also. I had a table booked and had a really great night, amazing staff and brilliant Djs. We just never got bored we could go up three floors with different Dj's/music on each floor so it was a perfect night out. Drinks prices were fab but the only down thing was when we arrived was already long queue so we had to wait for a while to get in. Thanks Artesian and we'll definitely see you soon x x
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The Artesian Well. Your perfect evening out if it involves queueing, buying overpriced drinks and experiencing the dubious pleasure of the neanderthal bar manager scraping his knuckles on the ground, pausing only to pluck some fleas from his rear and gobble them down, whilst attempting to lord it over the "lesser people" - i.e. anyone other than him. Unfortunate, considering he's about as articulate as a pregnant slug with an over-abundance of slime (but with far less charm). He'd be better suited to a career as a Nazi camp guard in another age; or is that a camp Nazi guard, judging by his self-important mincing?
We'd reserved the upper area for a private party with a band, and when looking to rearrange some of the furniture, he immediately adopted an aggressive tone, thrust his crotch forward and stomped his feet down, maintaining that "MY furniture is not going to be moved," before explaining confrontationally that his DJ equipment was worth more than the NASA space programme and therefore he didn't anyone plugging into it. A simple, polite "no," with a brief explanation would have done. But, as he launched into his elaborate explanation, I began to realise that his IQ was actually closer to his shoe size than his age, and his management style can be captured in two words: AGGRESSIVE SHOUTING.
He "summoned" us to have a word with him by clapping his hands, as if we were naughty 8 year olds and talked at me for a while; when I explained that I didn't like being spoken to in this manner, he shuddered orgasmically, shouted for his bouncer minions in a high pitch and released a tirade of eloquent abuse, involving - in no particular order - the words, "tw*t," "c*nt," "w**nker" and so on and so forth. An interesting and somewhat unorthodox strategy to adopt with your customers, I must admit. Indeed, it was quite impressive; his mother must have sat him down on her lap in the zoo and carefully taught him how to correctly pronounce those words from an early age, as he was very good at repeating those words ad hominem, but didn't seem to able to intersperse his speech with anything else.
So, in summary, I would rather run myself a hot bath, turn on a live iron and dump said appliance into it before setting foot in the Arse-tesian Well again. I have e-mailed everyone that came to the private party that evening (well over a hundred people), explaining my delightful interactions with the primate managing the place and will be writing to the owners to ask whether it is normal for London Zoo to rent out one of its specimens to run a bar. Surely just supplying all of those bananas must make a chimpanzee-shaped dent in the profits?
Dissapointing. No, actually - downright awful. This is even worse than having your fingernails removed individually whilst being made to watch Glee on repeat. Enter at your peril. Just don't say you weren't warned.
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Went to this place a couple of months ago for a friends birthday and it was awful. The music is alright, and the decor is a bit weird but fine but the staff are awful. The bouncers and the manager are incredibly rude and unhelpful, we had paid (a lot) for an area to be reserved and they made absolutely no attempt to actually reserve it. One girl had her coat stolen and they were so rude about it as well as having no idea where it would be handed in. Don't expect any help from the manager.
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Absolutely poor - extrememly rude,abnoxious staff - watch your drinks, if you leave them for a second the staff will grab them forcing you to pay more money for over priced badly made cocktails.
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Terrible venue. Went there for a friends birthday - rude,midget manger on a power trip shouting at girls with his roided up security for backup. Awful service, awful atmosphere dont waste your time. If i ever go back it will be to headbutt the manager.
Jac52 - 16 May 2010 22:53 |
Awesome just awesome night out. Had not been for a few years but all the same staff there and great service run by pro's and a hell of a good night out in the South London. Get there early or it will be too packed .
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I occasionally frequented the pub that was before this one - the Nag's Head. That was a legendary local boozer, with character, hilarious locals shouting at each other and no pretention at all. Kind of place you'd want to spend the rest of your life, if you could. Proper pubs are disappearing and it's a tragedy. To be replaced by snot-nosed imbeciles talking shit about Facebook and the latest garbage they've downloaded onto their ridiculous phone which never rings because they are so pissing dull and nobody wants to speak to them.
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I really liked this place, it had a very good atmosphere. A place where you can dance, meet new people and drink with feeling like if you accidentally bump into the wrong person it's all going to kick off. A sort of student bar for people nearer the age of 30, if you will. There's a dance floor upstairs. Crazy decor downstairs (the weird statue on the outside is a taste of what is inside).
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This place is fantastic. Pumping dance tracks all night, great atmosphere, cheap entrance and drink prices for Clapham and a fun dancefloor upstairs. As Amber points out - not really the place to go for a chat. The bar is open till 2am and the upstairs till 3am at weekends.
Angus - 25 Jun 2005 10:40 |
More a club than a pub, good for dancing. Excellent Morrocan style decor, good atmosphere.
Martin - 2 Mar 2004 15:58 |
Bar is so loud you can only talk to someone by shouting into their ear - total conversation killer if there are more than two of you in your group. Completely ruined the evening and I definitely won't go there again.
Amber_Nectar - 1 Mar 2004 13:43 |
stick it on have a night there. wicked
vida - 28 Sep 2003 14:16 |
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