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Username: muiramas

Age: 45

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The George and Dragon, Speldhurst

Been here once for a Sunday lunch. Its expensive - about £16. For a very small lunch. We had to wait an hour between starters and main courses - I gave the staff 5 minutes to get our mains before we left which got it sorted. Complaints aside, seems expensive for what you get - will not come back. Looks pretty - but average in every other respect. Go to The Hare in Langton Green 5 minutes up the road.

1 Dec 2013 14:13

The Wiremill, Lingfield

Ok for a pint, food is bloody awful.

First of all, I've been here a few times. I don't like it when folks get angry and write a lousy review saying somewhere is crap because their rare steak got over cooked the one and only time they went....

Anyway, overlooking a large lake, it's a relaxing place to enjoy a couple of pints, often with waterskiing taking place. It can get very busy, and if you're there after sunset, watch out for the flies and Mosquitos. The owners could probably spend some more time in keeping this area tidy though - there is a lot of guano on the chairs and tables which never seems to be cleaned up. The beer is actually good, some guest ales are of a random quality, but guest ales always are.

The place looks great, and promises so much, but has never really delivered a good meal. I have eaten here three times - I wanted so much to like it, the first time was ok, the second not wonderful, and the third time was even worse.

The menu has been written by the scriptwriter of A Clockwork Orange. Chips are 'Chippies' and Chicken is 'chick chick chicken'. The fish are 'tickled'. Duck is 'Ducky'. It also says the chefs are 'somewhat mad' - this is correct; the menu is created by the head chef 'Jason' - he's referenced on the menu - 4 times, on the blackboards, website and so on.

The menu describes what you would expect from a pub, with an occasional random main course from somewhere overseas. Jason, (in case you missed it) wants to create something special with a 'twist' to all of these, but fails; Classic mains often have a wild and fey interpretation, and the occasional foray into more international food is frankly, bonkers. The food is often way to complex and way way too over spiced.

'Posh' ham egg and chips, for example - is a kind of salty soggy pork burger drowned in a spicy tomato and onion sauce which completely overwhelms everything - apparently there was a poached egg in there somewhere - I couldn't taste it, and the chips were dowsed in chilli powder - why? It's rare that a meal containing just 3 ingredients can be so wrong. On that particular night I'm just glad I never ordered a Foraged Mushroom, Leak & Sorrel Strudel. This is another place which thinks its cool to give you your chips in a little metal bucket - I can't wait for that trend to come to an end. The fish and chips are about as greasy as you can find - anywhere, and they throw some newspaper on the plate as well (Metro).

There are a few other things to avoid - the beef Wellington is always overcooked to the point where it cannot be accessed with cutlery, and the South African fish stew, which is an unholy combination of aquatic matter, and too many spices is to be ignored unless you are some kind of maniac. And that's just what I've tried. It's difficult to put into words quite how bad some of this stuff is.

Kids food is poorly considered - fish and chips is an off cut of an adult portion containing, you guessed it - bones. If you've got kids and you want them to reach adulthood, don't feed them in here. (Seriously.)

Hospitality is reasonable enough, though don't try and question anyone about the quality of the food or the chefs interpretation of a portion of chips. Sorry, its worth mentioning again; Chilli powder on the chips for gods sake. Did I ask for chilli fries? No. I asked for Ham, Egg and Chips.

Good pub food is simple, well put together, with the better pubs being more creative in combining traditional and appropriate world cuisine with great execution. The chefs here can do none of that; They are very much in the category of thinking they have good ideas and can cook, but they don't and they cant. The use of spices in food is a subtle art or at its basic level, at least sensible, and it is not done here.

Is this harsh? Yes, but it's also true. A family meal in a place like this can cost upward of a days salary for a lot of people. That's a very big ask for what this place gives back in return.

12 Jul 2013 20:32

The Queens Head, Chislehurst

2/10 and competing with The Bickley for the worst Pub in Chislehurst. Nothing about this place is good, apart from there being plenty of other places to eat on the high street, hence I award a lofty 2 for location.

2 Dec 2012 11:25

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muiramas has been registered on this site since 26th June 2009