Janets Bar, South Kensington

I have just signed up to this website to write my first online review of anything ever. Such is the potency of my consternation that I am typing this on an iPad Mini.

Our visit to Janet's bar this evening was nothing short of horrendous. We (four native west Londoners) walked in at around 11.15 to a pretty miserable welcome: a sub-EasyJet air hostess type immediately shouted "We're not partying all night - that means one drink." Quite why this woman (who having read various other reviews I presume must be the now a infamous Janet) decided to treat us as though we were asking her for some enormous favour was not immediately clear. We were then chased round the small and empty bar by a harassed looking waitress who demanded our drinks order (though to be fair to her she was a lot less abrasive than her employer gargoyle). We asked for a drinks list and she pointed to various bits of tatty laminated paper behind the bar that were entirely illegible. So we guessed at what they might have and luckily we were largely successful. We made our order and the waitress immediately looked worried: "That's only three drinks but there are four of you." I explained that my girlfriend wasn't drinking. Her response was "That could be a problem - there's a £3 minimum per person." The bar was empty and the fact that the three ludicrously priced cocktails we ordered amounted to far more than £3 per person for the four of us was flatly ignored. Had we been tourists we might have put up with this greedy and miserly behaviour and sat in a corner of this naff joint blubbimg into badly made and vastly overpriced cocktails. Luckily for us we were immediately aware that we had walked into the most repellent bar in London run by a woman who should seriously reconsider whether the service/hospitality industry ( as opposed to, say, traffic wardenry) is really for her. So we walked straight out.

This review is not therefore written with revenge in mind - Janet did not get her greedy claws into us. Rather it is written to warn others who may be visitors to London not to go to this horrible bar. The few positive reviews you will find are suspiciously similar to each other and appear to come form the ether - they are woefully inaccurate.

The danger with relying on online reviews is that you will always ask yourself: "Is this reviewer simply a lunatic with an unfortunate agenda based upon the fact that 'there are too many steps' or 'there were no bees in the garden' "? I promise that I am not such a lunatic and that I have no such agenda. Do not go to this bar because it is an ABSURDLY expensive and ghastly place.

10 Jun 2014 01:00